A scorpio cuckolded .....

             She was nearing her 42^nd birthday, she was unaware of how time cascaded, 20 years  since she tied her nuptial knots , all her time had gone fostering her children , she never dreamt of entertainment in any form in her life. She was married to her maternal uncle whom she loved, time rolled without any interesting events. Off late she was showing signs of irritation, very often to her coworkers , she felt  drained and worn-out, she felt she was like a beautiful bird flapping it wings inside a golden cage.

She thought she was going to have early menopause, her husband was a bigot  and a chauvinist. He was strict and man of his own principles, he worked for a private firm , he was married to the desk. The only entertainment he would opt to is having sex with his helpless wife.

Sex was a boring routine for her it was like one more household chores, she never knew what orgasm would feel like. She was a typical Indian wife who never even dared fantasizing other men on the  bed.

It was few days after her 42^nd birthday her father was diagnosed with carcinoma of lungs , it came has a big shocker to her since her father was a teetotaler and a fitness buff.

Months elapsed with oncologist’s visits, radiotherapy and chemotherapy et cetera. Her father was counting down.He was hospitalized with terminal illness,

She had to spend her nights in the waiting room as an attendant for her father who was allowed in high dependent care. Nothing seemed important to her, she knew every other patients attendants who were waiting along with her in the waiting room . Not only her, she was able sense  despair in every attendants face waiting for  the intercom  in the room to ring.

The moment the intercom rings every attendants heart rate would rise in unison until the patients bed number was called upon , her father was in bed number 26. On and off the central paging would announce  some doctors names , sometimes when she hears code blue paging she would beg  that it shouldn’t be high dependency unit bed number 26

She carried  Paul kalaanidhi’s “ When breath becomes air’  to keep herself awake during night stay , she did not know that it was a wrong book to read at that miserable phase of her life. Her mind was in a pathetic state , she felt the  nothingness .  Mid life crisis was  taking its toll , with  physical ailments showing early signs opening the doorways to mortality .

Major part of her life had elapsed in anandrocentric social circle, her world revolved around the well being of others , she never had time to breath for herself , this is a common status of most middle class women in Indian families.

There was a call for bed number 26 immediately, it was round 1 AM , the walk way of the hospital was deserted, the mid night was buried in  grave silence . The elevator was in auto mode , the lift operator was sleeping with a loud snore.  Do not enter, remove your foot ware informed the door sign . she wore a shoe cover from a auto shoe cover dispenser and entered  HDU .

The intensivist briefed her father’s health status and the need for a tracheotomy  to save  her sinking father. He required artificial ventilation, tears rolled on her face , she was requested to signature a consent form, she  remembered her childhood days where she would wait with anxiety to get progress card  signed by her father, today she had to sign for him , her heart was galloping when she signed the consent form. The beeping noise from the monitors in the HDU was making her mad, she wished those moments  vanished  like some magic.

Now it was almost ten days in hospital, everyone in the family were losing patience and faith, everyone one in the family made up their mind for any outcome.

That night the weather was rainy  it was southwest summer monsoon ,  it was her turn to stay that night in waiting room, she already lost few pounds , she had developed dark circles around her eyes without proper sleep and food.  The book she was carrying hadn’t rolled from first chapter. She was looking  into her mobile, her mobile vibrated , she found that she was added to  some what’s app group  she wasn’t keen in knowing what it was, she was about to leave the group, she noticed it was her old school group. She checked the members in the group she did not  have most of the numbers in her phone book. She  was trying to figure out her old classmates from their display photographs,most of their reflections have changed.She could see grey hairs and wrinkles on most of their faces which made it difficult to recognize  . Her eyes were eagerly scrutinizing  for someone special in that group. She found him, the moment she saw his photograph her adrenal levels shot up. There was an unfathomable emotion within her.

Her memory registered  his mobile number,  she wanted to call him immediately, her fingers acted reflexively , the hospital clock ticked twelve , she thought it wouldn’t be right on her part to call him at that time. Her thoughts were disturbed,  momentarily her thought were taken away from her deceasing father ,  she was staring blankly at her mobile, suddenly  the mobile vibrated briefly, even vibration of the mobile was making audible noise in the waiting room.  She received a personal message from the most unexpected person, it was from the number she had just noted down She felt electrified

Hi how are you read the text…

She dint know how to respond … he must have noticed the double blue tick marks on the message..

Hey are you there said the next message … thin film of tears covered her eyes , she did not want to cry in front of others  and show her fragility, she picked the mobile and walked to cafeteria . she ordered for a coffee , hot steaming cup of coffee was like a fomentation therapy for her at that moment.

She had the audacity to reply the number  after few minutes of hesitation, he must have been waiting for her message, he replied immediately , they slowly started  conversing on text  with formal questions. They were chatting for quite some time now, both of them hesitated to talk to each other , there were certain things which were better communicated on text  they felt.

He broke silence; he asked her can I call your number? Not now she said instantaneously , she was not prepared to hear  his voice which she had admired once,  he must have felt bad.

Okay then, I will text to tomorrow, take care, were the messages he sent.. it sounded abrupt. She said

 okay bye. She knew he was upset but she was not in a state to talk to him then.

Next few days were  literally bad , her father’s status fluctuated , her mobile was dead without charge for those days  it dint even bother her.

She had to stay at night the following weekend, she switched on her mobile … stagnated messages started flooding, there were useless  forwards , umpteen  good morning messages,  some memes trolling  politician , some hate messages et cetera . she was searching a  special messages  from a hotchpotch of unwanted texts . Voila! she said within seeing his message ….

He was younger to her by two years, they were close college friends , he was in love with her and he tried proposing her once, she declined his proposal for  pragmatic reasons.

He pretended to accept the denial and continued to be friend till the farewell day. Today after twenty years he was successful business man. She thought the women whom he got married must the luckiest ,but destiny had a different story to write, their marriage was fractured from the very first day. The biggest mistake of life he had done was being honest about his past to his fiance during his courtship.

It was 9:30 pm she went to the HDU , her father’s condition was status quo , she came walking on the ramp , she saw a huge mother Mary's idol, though she was a Hindu by birth she  stood there for a while and offered prayers. She hoped for a miracle to happen.

She sat for a while, her mind was conflicting whether to call him or not.. She gathered confidence to call. Her heart was beating like an adolescent's heart; she had no clues of what to talk.

She said hello… just a second... was the reply she had faint memory of  their conversational tone during college days.  I am sorry my wife was about to doze off  I did not  want to disturb her he said .. Oh sorry shall I call you some other time, oh no that’s okay he said….

Tell me how are you … those words were soothing her, she spoke for 30 mins she felt comfortable that he was listening to her. She just needed a shoulder to lean on, she was exhausted and tired of routine .

He said he would pay a visit to see her father in hospital. Please come before 7;30 pm , the visiting hours is from 4-7;30 she hang up the call. The following night her father's health was stable without much fluctuations’,

she was longingly for him and waiting  for visiting hours , they are meeting each other after a long time, there was some kind of inexplicable discomfort expecting his visit.

The clock  was ticking , it was 7:30 pm, her expectation went in vain , she felt it was too much to expect , she knew expectations are mother of disappointment. It was 8 PM , she was waiting in the pharmacy , for her token number to be displayed  on monitor to receive the ordered drugs for her father.

She was feeling lousy and sleepy , she was not able to control her sleep , she took her  forty’s wink, when she  heard some calling her by name ,  it was  like a dream to her , he saw him standing right in front of her , he was well dressed  , his opulence was visible in the way he carried himself. He was clean shaven , she couldn’t find a single grey hair , she thought she looking old in front of him.  He carried a latest   I phone  , his mobile was ringing very often , he must be a busy..she thought.

How are you he asked ? I am okay she said 

How is your father?  He asked , before she could answer him someone interrupted , he was the chairman of that hospital , he had come to receive him,  she was wondering how influential he has grown in twenty years , he used be a kind of nitwit during college days ..

He spoke about the health status of her father and assured if there is any requirement she could call his mobile directly , he shared his  number and took leave.

They sat in the hospitals main lobby, it was almost 8.30 pm, and they were retrieving nostalgic memories of college days, the  central paging system was screaming now and then, hospital staffs  were changing shifts  , diet trolleys were moving in different direction   Her husband was calling on and off , she did not know why she avoided saying him that her old friend was there with her.

They walked to the cafeteria, she ordered for two coffees , he interrupted sorry don’t you know I don’t drink coffee .. I am sorry I forgot she pretended.. She knew that he doesn’t drink coffee but that was kind of quick test for him to see whether he as changed .  she took her hand bag to pay the bill, he shoved her hands signaling that he would take care.

He said he would take leave, she wanted him to spend some more time , she said she would accompany him to the parking area. He had self driven the car , he owned a luxury car with a fancy number,  both of them wanted the time to freeze , his mobile screamed , this time the ringtone was a distinct Tamil classical song, he spoke in a persuasive voice , its my wife he said … oh OK,  sorry I forgot to ask , how many children …. No we are trying IVF he said, she was puzzled but kept silent without proceeding further. He got into his car sat down and lowered the window glass , the car perfume  surrounded the space around her , she was able to hear some old Tamil songs inside the car , he lowered the volume ,

Then ….. he said it sounded ambiguous to her , he rested his elbow on the car window  , his diamond studded gold ring was glittering , it started to drizzle,  I think it will rain , I will take leave she said , her emotions started exploding , her thought were unmanageable to her. She held his elbow tight squashing it between her palm and finger , he was able to feel her nails , that hold communicated lot non verbal information, it meant a lot to him, he  glanced up  at her with misty eyes, her eyes were regretful and missing him. she wanted him back in her life , she wasn’t ashamed of that thought though she was married. She remembered Osho’s quoting marriage as immoral.

For moments they only heard the wind rustling through the leaves of trees ,  suddenly the power went off and  the generator  was started , it disturbed the mojo working over them.  He felt it was time to part . will you come again she asked with skepticism. Let me see I am sure he said…

Next morning when she reached home her husband performed a forcible sodomy , it was a kind of marital rape, she  was helpless and reluctant but this time it was a new experience to her , she did not know why she was fantasizing her ex  boy friend .she was in the brink of reaching her climax , but her husband’s four minutes  threshold was over, she wanted to shower him with all kind of profanities she knew.

Next day it was her husband’s turn  to stay in the hospital, she wished if she  could get the opportunity to stay, she did not want to volunteer herself and give him unnecessary clues , she feared that she would become infidel but also knew that nothing is unfair in love and war.

She was expecting his call anytime, she was hankering to call him , but she had her own benefits of doubt. With loads of hesitance   she called him once,  Hello who is this , I am in a meeting , he said with an authoritative toner , she felt disdained. All her excitement  disappeared like a mirage , her transitory elephantine  exhilaration was back to square one.

Her fathers health yo-yoed up and down without much improvement, it was around 2 pm in the afternoon she was taking her siesta , whats app text disturbed her sleep.

Hi , how are you… the message made her brisk, she was infuriated  since he rebuffed her call, she wanted to cold shoulder him , she did not reply for a while.

Hey how are you? Are you there?  Are you OK?  She didn’t want behave like a frenetic wife ..

She said that’s .... OK… their chat prolonged for hours, she was trying to use emoticons in chat which wasn’t a piece of cake. He asked will she  be in the hospital waiting room this evening, she felt it was a subtle way for asking for a date., she said no, today its my husband’s turn, would you like to come home  , children are staying at my mother’s place nobodies around she said. Without second thought he said no.

Do you want me to come somewhere else  to meet she asked, my office is near the crossroads  he said , no not now but I will surely come someday she said , she was giving him cues for him to recognize ..

They met in a south Indian restaurant , he sat in front of her, he placed the order for her , she was surprised that he hadn’t forgotten her favorite dish.  She always admired the way he used to eat , he had the same styles as her father while dining.

That night her thoughts were occupied with his memories , she never thought of her deteriorating   father  once . She was eagerly waiting to see him again. She felt her warmth of long last passion was fuming like a forest fire.

The family made up their mind to sign do not resuscitate medical document. The nurse in the HDU pulled out a red pen from her stained uniform pocket and marked DNR in capital letter on the case file. Her father face was bloated and stink of the feces , urine and medicines were all around predominating , the ventilator  was gushing air into his lungs. She was not able to tolerate to see her father , she stared crying , she knew that she had to cry silently without disturbing other patients in private hospital otherwise she will be requested to move out.  She was not able bare the pain her father  went through, she wanted him to die peacefully; she wanted to sit beside and hold his hand tight when his life leaves.

Her text message disrupted her pain , I am waiting in the parking area said the  message. She knew it was him. She asked her husband to stay near her father and said she will be back in a while. He dint question her where she was leaving , he thought she must be in miserable pain, it was late night, she walked alone to the parking area , she was consistently shedding tears , the moment she saw his car she got into it , she burst out crying again and suddenly she turned towards him and hugged him tight , he was able feel her tears on him.  He dint know how  to react , his arms were hesitant to embrace her . few minutes passed , he was not able to resist her warmth , he had always longed for this hugged , but he felt it came at wrong time, she dint stop him , her tears had stopped by then he progressed his hand into her,  he was   feeling  jittery  , he was able to sense her beautiful sagging bosoms .He was not able to withdraw is hands , she felt her soul was levitating , his mouth was struggling to feel her teats , he was not able resist  leaving love marks on her bosom, he pulled her dress up and thrusted his hand down , she  fell  flat to resist him, Her Grafenberg spot was yearning for his touch , his fingers were wet and behaved as thought he was treating a call girl , the moment she was able feel  his fingers  there , she felt  all her neurons in her brain ignited with big glow , the homunculus in her brain was performing  a salsa dance.  For the first timein the life  she felt the climax ,even before she could recover her husband called her mobile

Where are you he asked?  she was jolted … I am in the cafeteria...  she said. He said I am sorry dear father has left us., doctors declared it few mins back .. Please come….

She just remembered the passages from  “ My fathers death and double shame “ from mahatma Gandhi's The story of my experiments with truth….